Today I started voice therapy again! It’s been two weeks since my surgery and SO much has happened. I've been cleared to speak. I've left my house after my "house arrest" AKA, Intense Vocal Silence. Now rehab begins...
As I entered my session, I found myself hearing the words of friends and loved ones saying “You’re so brave.” “Good for you making a decision to go through with this!” When I'd hear this, I couldn’t help myself but to think that getting surgery was neither brave or a hard decision to make. It was The Only decision I Had to make. When faced with singing and speaking at a severely decreased level or always sounding like I’ve just woken from a hangover, there was no question about it!
I knew something was wrong and worked around it for eight years! That’s a truly long time to be working on a Band-Aid. Not to mention, using every inch of technique I had to sing and speak over those past eight years. Toward the end of that time, I wasn’t booking the roles I wanted because the Band-Aid was coming off… All the F**king time! UGH! #injuriesarefrustrating
My voice was hurting me professionally. Which carried over into my personal life, as I wasn’t able to speak up for myself when I felt abandoned. I was carrying more and more stress. Then proceeding to never unload it! Just work hard. Just push through. So no one ever sees you down.
If I had to say I’ve been brave about something, it’s that I am unapologetic about being human. I know people get hurt. I know people can recover. Most importantly, I know people bounce back! My bravery is that I charge ahead unapologetically. I keep this in the front of my mind at all times. I want to be a living, breathing, highly functioning, relentless machine. The business of show is cut throat. But it’s also a business with humans. With real human feelings and emotions, ailments, and varying responsibilities that have nothing to do with their talents. Aaliyah says in one of my favorite songs, "At my best you are love," how could I be love when my body wasn't performing at its best? Again, correcting my problem HAD to happen.
What I did was stand up to a bully that’s been beating me down for too long. I took it to surgery, therapy, and now we enter what I plan on being a vacation. A time of peace, understanding, enlightenment, and dreams coming true. Ya know like how they vacay in the movies... but in real life! The hard part is over. Now let’s have some fun!
Cheers to new beginnings and vacay!!!!!!!!!!!