It has been five days since I was on the operating table. I've learned a few things...
1) I need a lot of drugs to calm me down. And those drugs will generally stay in my system longer than I'd like. #anesthesiaisnojoke #hollaforvalium
2) Many of the things I eat cause acid reflux. Which makes me cough. Not good after surgery. Not good for my new cords. #operationlifestylechanges
3) Many of the things I've done post-surgery should be my everyday routine. DUH! PT is for more than when you are injured or hurt. #takecareofyoself
4) I love my wife! #blacklove
5) Sharing IS caring... AND EDUCATIONAL! Especially with something like this.
As you may or may not know, I teach in addition to performing. What I love most about it is that I will say something and see a light bulb go off for someone. In that very moment, a sense of pride takes over me like a new parent meeting their first born for the first time. It's as though my life was building to that point in time. That single lesson of love and instruction. When class is over, my chest sticks out a bit more. There is a float that leads me down the road. My swag is Cardi B level and no one (truly no one) can tell me nothing! Then, as I head home, that's when I feel exhaustion and as though I am a fraud.
A fraud for not always practicing what I preach. Exhaustion for giving more to my students than I ever would to myself. A fraud for not being a leader, rather just playing the role of one. Exhaustion for not being truly authentic. A fraud for expecting more out of those around and in front of me — and not expecting the same things of myself.
This surgery has required me to stop. To listen to myself (because I can't speak) and not judge myself for not being everything that I tell everyone they should be. The bossy LaQuet is still here (Trust and Believe), but not having a voice to speak my truth — even one I don't always apply to myself — has crippled me long enough. The past week has been both relaxing and stressful at the same time. It's been a slowed-down reminder of what it is I want. I want to be successful. I want to build content and become a sound business owner. I want to be the most magnetic, approachable, and educational renaissance woman my generation has ever seen!! This week, I've had dreams and visualizations that I haven't had in years. The only place for me to go from here is up and out into a world full of unknown, to show what I've been imagining… I'm worthy. I'm capable. I'm ready to take the game-winning shot.
SO... Step 1. Go to my follow-up appointment! Get some updates on where I am. Step 2. Put myself on a schedule and routine. Then stick to it. Step 3. Grow my network. I know some Sups Coo Peeps! But I need to know more to help me with my shortcomings. I will continue to ask questions. Without having asked questions in the first place, I wouldn't have this opportunity to reset. Step 4. Ask for accountability. Please follow me on my IG page for how I'm doing. If I go longer than a week of not sharing... SOMEONE GENTLY ASK ME, "What's good wit ya?"
Finally (because I know y'all don't really like to read long ass posts), I rather enjoy silence. When I'm depressed I don't like it. But this has been a truly enlightening week. I can hear better now than I ever could before. Thank you, injury, for teaching me stuff.